Tuesday, February 15, 2011

How does a wife loves her husband

I have always looked up to my parents as an ideal couple. I must say, they are not absolutely perfect, but to me they complete each other perfectly. 30th January marks their 35th Anniversary together – the length of marriage that I wish I’ll be able to celebrate happily with chypp on 31st August 2041, insyallah.

I am very certain that in order to make marriage/relationship works, it has got to be from the effort of both; husband and wife. Sometimes things could work out even if all efforts are poured from one side, but I think that will result in a lasting marriage, not a happy marriage. Though both survive the test of time, I bet if given a chance, all of us would want to be in the later category.

I am not at privy to tell you how a husband loves his wife, but I guess I can share with you how a wife loves her husband.

You see, the moment when the tok kadi uttered the word ‘sah’ after the akad, a wife is born. More often than not this new beginning is celebrated with tears. It is the tears of happiness for the unity of the love shared by two lovebirds (for old lovebirds like me and chypp who have build love nest for 12 years before tying a knot, the tears is pouring like a Sembilu Kasih cry! LOL!!); tears of sadness for the separation of living from the family that have raised her up; tears of nervousness as to whether she can saddled the responsibilities of a permanent post she just accepted called ‘wife’.

I think it is fair to generally say that from that moment, everything done is for the husband or at least the husband will top her priority. Trust me, wives will sacrifice all she has to make husbands happy.

A wife will cook meals for her husband everyday no matter how tired she is from work;

A wife will let her husband have the best part of the meal: if it’s the chicken, she’ll give him the thigh, if it’s fish, she’ll give him the fillet, if it’s beef, she will give him the sirloin.

If the food is little, a wife will pretend like she is not hungry, so that the husband can eat her portion and enjoy the meal satisfactorily;

When a husband is not feeling well, a wife will nurse him like a baby, but when she fell sick, she will try to camouflage it so that the husband would not have to even worry;

To a wife’s eye, regardless how her husband looks like, he is always the handsome young man she married years ago;

If a wife is mad at her husband, she will still prepare the meal, iron his cloths and prepare him to work n the morning regardless.

Seriously people, these are how a wife show her love to her husband.

All these are given unconditionally without expectation of anything in return. All is needed is for the husband to show some sense of appreciation; nothing fiscal, only gestures. That can be in many forms- from as little as thanking her for every meals she cooks, offer to carry her heavy bags, praising her every time she makes effort to look good for her husband, pulling out her chair and open up the door for her so she can felt like a queen, giving her some back massage after a long day of work without her asking for it or even as simple as calling up the waiter for her to order her meal…the list can go on.

There are reasons why a wife cries when a husband send in flowers on her birthdays and surprised her with gifts, cards and dinners. My babah sends flowers bouquet to mak’s office on her every birthdays and anniversaries; and mak will have her eyes brimming with tears every single time he did that. They have been together for 35 years, and I bet it has been 35 cries (times 2 since we have to count in anniversaries flowers). I always laughed at mak every time this happened and I said that if I were mak, I am able to anticipate the flowers and dinners coming as babah do it every year. But mak still cry nevertheless as if it was the first time babah ever gives him flowers.

Now, being a wife myself, I guess I understand it more than anyone. It is not the flowers or lavish dinners; it’s the feeling of being appreciated and loved, which gives us-wives the elation beyond any diamonds or jimmy choos. A gesture of appreciation is THE gift a wife could ever ask for.

Of course, we will be very much elated to receive all those luxuries, but the thoughts of you, our dear husbands, to even spend ringgits on us to buy those things are what we most appreciate. I always felt happy when chypp bought me things-it need not be expensive ones. Even when he bring home my favourite asam boi he bought on the way home is enough to bring my eyes to tears (quietly). The thought that he had put in to make me happy is more than enough.

But unfortunately, some husbands are just wired up not to get this into their head. When we (wives) asked you (husbands) to buy us flowers, please don’t say it’s a waste. Coz if you do, it’s as good as saying that we are not worth enough for a bouquet of flowers which will cost you RM 5 per stalk of red rose or less than RM100 for a dozen.

I super seldom see husbands pull out chair for his wives at restaurants. The case will always be : that the husband has comfortably find his own way to some comfy cushioned seat at the restaurant while the wife is still struggling to seat their kids or worst, was left behind and still walking towards the table.

Super few husbands open up doors like gentleman.

I often see that it’s the wife who carries the heavy plastic bags from pasar malam, pasar basah or worst, it’s the wives who have to do the household purchases herself while the husband is happily watching tv at home. It’s the wife who strained their muscles, carrying their heavy child at shopping complexes while the husband is happily strolling around from shop to shop.

And yes, the species of husbands who surprises wives with home cooked candle light dinners are very close to extinction.

So to all beloved husbands out there, please be informed that we wives are not hard to please. All you’ll ever need to do is to love us the way we love you. To start with, perhaps you could thanked us with for cooking you dinner tonight or for ironing your cloths for work tomorrow…it cost you RM0.00 but the return is enormous : You’ll see our face glows in contentment. If you’re lucky you’ll catch us wiping up our tears; tears of a happier wife.

Monday, February 14, 2011

~Doing justice to myself : enjoying life~

I love to read. Whenever I am not doing anything, I’ll just grab something to read or else I felt restless. My reading materials range are varied. A promotion flyer on Gulatis textile shop will do. It doesn’t matter if the it brings nothing intellectual add ups excepts of being notified that there’s a textile promotion somewhere - as long as I read albeit whatever it is, I am a happier Azlin. But of course nothing beats the pleasure of reading a dictionary. I have loads of dictionaries collection: normal, idioms or thesaurus. Most of them are the pocket versions, so I can carry them easily everywhere, every time. I will always make it a point to learn one new word every morning which I will compile in a buku 555 look-alike note book I have, in not less than 5 volumes now. I just love it. I may not remember all words read and learnt but I just love the feeling of knowing something new, I felt refreshed every time. Call me weirdo, I indeed am. But that doesn’t make me love it less.
I love to write. My job requires me to write all the time, stating my opinions while advising others. That is why I think I’m still hooked up with what I am doing. I must say, it is a demanding job, but I guess the only reason I stayed is because I love what I am doing – to write.  On matters extra territorial of my work - I used to say my piece every minute I have. Making my fingers dancing on the keyboard whilst my thoughts flow as graceful is like breathing fresh air. I don’t expect people to agree with my views nor like what I write. I write for myself, not others. I would feel much happier if people agree with me but it doesn’t offend me if people don’t. I found it is easier to state my point writing than saying it out loud. I always got misunderstood when I say things. When one says it, it comes with other external packages – facial expression, gestures, intonation and circumstances can voluminous or dampen ones’ point. But when u writes, the thoughts transfers well, depending on how well you state it. Example, if I am mad with someone and I want them to be aware of it, I will write to them. I seldom say it. If I do, I often say things that I don’t mean, or the way I mean it. But when I write, I put thoughts into it before I penned down. That’s the beauty of writing. It connects, seldom it distance.
Sadly, I do less and less things I truly enjoyed these days. I don’t write beyond office matters. I don’t read other than those encyclopedia-thick law books. It took me months now to finish a book which I usually take days. I no longer update my buku 555 with new words which I will usually do before I have my breakfast. Looking at all this, my heart breaks. It reminds me of the verse from surah Al-Asr : “Demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia itu di dalam kerugian”. I guess I have successfully made myself fall within those who are at lost according to the verse. Life is too short not to enjoy it to the fullest, in whatever way-mine, by reading and writing. I always equate enjoying life to valuing life. If you value your life, you’ll take all effort to enjoy every bit of it. But, not making your life as enjoyable as it should be is as good as not valuing the privilege to be alive.
You see, Its ironic how people who are down with serious illnesses would do all it takes to continue living, simply because they want to be able to enjoy the life, but those who are blessed with health seems to just live their life recklessly and fail to appreciate life the way it deserves.
For those who are in the later category like me, please raise your hand and give a good slap on your face! Continue slapping if the earlier ones doesn’t make you realized how lucky you are to be able to stand on your feet, able to breathe fresh air, able to see flowers blooms, able to choose whatever dishes to eat, and able to hug your love ones every morning.
I slapped my face twice to finally realize how irresponsible I have been to myself and others around me. Yes, its easier to put the blame on other than yourself. I have always blame time factor for all this misery. ‘Tak ada masa’ is my everyday mantra. In actual fact, I am just pointing out on how incapable I am to manage my own life. I have to find time, not time accommodates me.
I believe in whatever pursuit we are in, we must try less to find faults and things to blame. The unemployed should not blame the bullish economy for not having earnings, the poor should not blame hardship for not trying to improve their life, students should not blame strict examiners for not scoring high marks, ladies should not blame age for not dressing up elegantly, husbands should not blame marriage for not hanging out with friends like they used to whilst single, obese should not blame genes for not making effort to tone up, friends should not blame time factor for not hanging out for a cup of coffee.
Because if we do, we will be forever left behind from those who always find ways to do things, no matter what the circumstances is.
I was trained to do justice onto others. I guess, it is time for me to do justice to myself. I will get a book to read. I will find time to hang out with friends and families. I will find time to get new clothes. I will start exercising like I used to. I will try to make it a point to call chypp every now and then to ask how his day has been so far. Reason: I don’t want to be among those who have regrets in their life, and only realized about it when the clock is already ticking. I will make sure that when the time comes, I can recap my life and smile on my deathbed, knowing that I have done all I can to make my short stay that Allah had borrowed me, as enjoyable and as fruitful as I wish it would be.
As a start, I will write again, and this piece is what I am writing. Pardon me if it is not a good one, it has been a while. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, nonetheless.