Tuesday, February 15, 2011

How does a wife loves her husband

I have always looked up to my parents as an ideal couple. I must say, they are not absolutely perfect, but to me they complete each other perfectly. 30th January marks their 35th Anniversary together – the length of marriage that I wish I’ll be able to celebrate happily with chypp on 31st August 2041, insyallah.

I am very certain that in order to make marriage/relationship works, it has got to be from the effort of both; husband and wife. Sometimes things could work out even if all efforts are poured from one side, but I think that will result in a lasting marriage, not a happy marriage. Though both survive the test of time, I bet if given a chance, all of us would want to be in the later category.

I am not at privy to tell you how a husband loves his wife, but I guess I can share with you how a wife loves her husband.

You see, the moment when the tok kadi uttered the word ‘sah’ after the akad, a wife is born. More often than not this new beginning is celebrated with tears. It is the tears of happiness for the unity of the love shared by two lovebirds (for old lovebirds like me and chypp who have build love nest for 12 years before tying a knot, the tears is pouring like a Sembilu Kasih cry! LOL!!); tears of sadness for the separation of living from the family that have raised her up; tears of nervousness as to whether she can saddled the responsibilities of a permanent post she just accepted called ‘wife’.

I think it is fair to generally say that from that moment, everything done is for the husband or at least the husband will top her priority. Trust me, wives will sacrifice all she has to make husbands happy.

A wife will cook meals for her husband everyday no matter how tired she is from work;

A wife will let her husband have the best part of the meal: if it’s the chicken, she’ll give him the thigh, if it’s fish, she’ll give him the fillet, if it’s beef, she will give him the sirloin.

If the food is little, a wife will pretend like she is not hungry, so that the husband can eat her portion and enjoy the meal satisfactorily;

When a husband is not feeling well, a wife will nurse him like a baby, but when she fell sick, she will try to camouflage it so that the husband would not have to even worry;

To a wife’s eye, regardless how her husband looks like, he is always the handsome young man she married years ago;

If a wife is mad at her husband, she will still prepare the meal, iron his cloths and prepare him to work n the morning regardless.

Seriously people, these are how a wife show her love to her husband.

All these are given unconditionally without expectation of anything in return. All is needed is for the husband to show some sense of appreciation; nothing fiscal, only gestures. That can be in many forms- from as little as thanking her for every meals she cooks, offer to carry her heavy bags, praising her every time she makes effort to look good for her husband, pulling out her chair and open up the door for her so she can felt like a queen, giving her some back massage after a long day of work without her asking for it or even as simple as calling up the waiter for her to order her meal…the list can go on.

There are reasons why a wife cries when a husband send in flowers on her birthdays and surprised her with gifts, cards and dinners. My babah sends flowers bouquet to mak’s office on her every birthdays and anniversaries; and mak will have her eyes brimming with tears every single time he did that. They have been together for 35 years, and I bet it has been 35 cries (times 2 since we have to count in anniversaries flowers). I always laughed at mak every time this happened and I said that if I were mak, I am able to anticipate the flowers and dinners coming as babah do it every year. But mak still cry nevertheless as if it was the first time babah ever gives him flowers.

Now, being a wife myself, I guess I understand it more than anyone. It is not the flowers or lavish dinners; it’s the feeling of being appreciated and loved, which gives us-wives the elation beyond any diamonds or jimmy choos. A gesture of appreciation is THE gift a wife could ever ask for.

Of course, we will be very much elated to receive all those luxuries, but the thoughts of you, our dear husbands, to even spend ringgits on us to buy those things are what we most appreciate. I always felt happy when chypp bought me things-it need not be expensive ones. Even when he bring home my favourite asam boi he bought on the way home is enough to bring my eyes to tears (quietly). The thought that he had put in to make me happy is more than enough.

But unfortunately, some husbands are just wired up not to get this into their head. When we (wives) asked you (husbands) to buy us flowers, please don’t say it’s a waste. Coz if you do, it’s as good as saying that we are not worth enough for a bouquet of flowers which will cost you RM 5 per stalk of red rose or less than RM100 for a dozen.

I super seldom see husbands pull out chair for his wives at restaurants. The case will always be : that the husband has comfortably find his own way to some comfy cushioned seat at the restaurant while the wife is still struggling to seat their kids or worst, was left behind and still walking towards the table.

Super few husbands open up doors like gentleman.

I often see that it’s the wife who carries the heavy plastic bags from pasar malam, pasar basah or worst, it’s the wives who have to do the household purchases herself while the husband is happily watching tv at home. It’s the wife who strained their muscles, carrying their heavy child at shopping complexes while the husband is happily strolling around from shop to shop.

And yes, the species of husbands who surprises wives with home cooked candle light dinners are very close to extinction.

So to all beloved husbands out there, please be informed that we wives are not hard to please. All you’ll ever need to do is to love us the way we love you. To start with, perhaps you could thanked us with for cooking you dinner tonight or for ironing your cloths for work tomorrow…it cost you RM0.00 but the return is enormous : You’ll see our face glows in contentment. If you’re lucky you’ll catch us wiping up our tears; tears of a happier wife.


  1. hi alin, couldn't agree more with your piece of thoughts very well written here. nonetheless, sad to say, husbands who are thoughtful and appreciative like your Babah are really hard to find.. don't know what changed our modern men nowadays. *sigh*.. i know its probably far too early, but, i teach my boys to be thoughtful.. and to appreciate me as their mother, just so, in future, they will give the same respect and appreciation that their wife deserves.. and then i know that i've done at least one thing right,raising caring, loving and thoughtful men..

  2. Yati: If I had a son, I would do the same thing. I guess this is where our modern mom these days went wrong - not teaching their son to become a gentleman. I remember there is a saying which goes : 'If you want to know how a man treats a women, just look at the way he treats his mom'. Good for you babe! at least I know that in 20 years time, there will be 3 handsome young man whom are well trained to treat their wives like a queen, and I'm sure, when I asked who their mother is, they'll answer : Norhayati Abdullah. Amin..