I love to read. Whenever I am not doing anything, I’ll just grab something to read or else I felt restless. My reading materials range are varied. A promotion flyer on Gulatis textile shop will do. It doesn’t matter if the it brings nothing intellectual add ups excepts of being notified that there’s a textile promotion somewhere - as long as I read albeit whatever it is, I am a happier Azlin. But of course nothing beats the pleasure of reading a dictionary. I have loads of dictionaries collection: normal, idioms or thesaurus. Most of them are the pocket versions, so I can carry them easily everywhere, every time. I will always make it a point to learn one new word every morning which I will compile in a buku 555 look-alike note book I have, in not less than 5 volumes now. I just love it. I may not remember all words read and learnt but I just love the feeling of knowing something new, I felt refreshed every time. Call me weirdo, I indeed am. But that doesn’t make me love it less.
I love to write. My job requires me to write all the time, stating my opinions while advising others. That is why I think I’m still hooked up with what I am doing. I must say, it is a demanding job, but I guess the only reason I stayed is because I love what I am doing – to write. On matters extra territorial of my work - I used to say my piece every minute I have. Making my fingers dancing on the keyboard whilst my thoughts flow as graceful is like breathing fresh air. I don’t expect people to agree with my views nor like what I write. I write for myself, not others. I would feel much happier if people agree with me but it doesn’t offend me if people don’t. I found it is easier to state my point writing than saying it out loud. I always got misunderstood when I say things. When one says it, it comes with other external packages – facial expression, gestures, intonation and circumstances can voluminous or dampen ones’ point. But when u writes, the thoughts transfers well, depending on how well you state it. Example, if I am mad with someone and I want them to be aware of it, I will write to them. I seldom say it. If I do, I often say things that I don’t mean, or the way I mean it. But when I write, I put thoughts into it before I penned down. That’s the beauty of writing. It connects, seldom it distance.
Sadly, I do less and less things I truly enjoyed these days. I don’t write beyond office matters. I don’t read other than those encyclopedia-thick law books. It took me months now to finish a book which I usually take days. I no longer update my buku 555 with new words which I will usually do before I have my breakfast. Looking at all this, my heart breaks. It reminds me of the verse from surah Al-Asr : “Demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia itu di dalam kerugian”. I guess I have successfully made myself fall within those who are at lost according to the verse. Life is too short not to enjoy it to the fullest, in whatever way-mine, by reading and writing. I always equate enjoying life to valuing life. If you value your life, you’ll take all effort to enjoy every bit of it. But, not making your life as enjoyable as it should be is as good as not valuing the privilege to be alive.
You see, Its ironic how people who are down with serious illnesses would do all it takes to continue living, simply because they want to be able to enjoy the life, but those who are blessed with health seems to just live their life recklessly and fail to appreciate life the way it deserves.
For those who are in the later category like me, please raise your hand and give a good slap on your face! Continue slapping if the earlier ones doesn’t make you realized how lucky you are to be able to stand on your feet, able to breathe fresh air, able to see flowers blooms, able to choose whatever dishes to eat, and able to hug your love ones every morning.
I slapped my face twice to finally realize how irresponsible I have been to myself and others around me. Yes, its easier to put the blame on other than yourself. I have always blame time factor for all this misery. ‘Tak ada masa’ is my everyday mantra. In actual fact, I am just pointing out on how incapable I am to manage my own life. I have to find time, not time accommodates me.
I believe in whatever pursuit we are in, we must try less to find faults and things to blame. The unemployed should not blame the bullish economy for not having earnings, the poor should not blame hardship for not trying to improve their life, students should not blame strict examiners for not scoring high marks, ladies should not blame age for not dressing up elegantly, husbands should not blame marriage for not hanging out with friends like they used to whilst single, obese should not blame genes for not making effort to tone up, friends should not blame time factor for not hanging out for a cup of coffee.
Because if we do, we will be forever left behind from those who always find ways to do things, no matter what the circumstances is.
I was trained to do justice onto others. I guess, it is time for me to do justice to myself. I will get a book to read. I will find time to hang out with friends and families. I will find time to get new clothes. I will start exercising like I used to. I will try to make it a point to call chypp every now and then to ask how his day has been so far. Reason: I don’t want to be among those who have regrets in their life, and only realized about it when the clock is already ticking. I will make sure that when the time comes, I can recap my life and smile on my deathbed, knowing that I have done all I can to make my short stay that Allah had borrowed me, as enjoyable and as fruitful as I wish it would be.
As a start, I will write again, and this piece is what I am writing. Pardon me if it is not a good one, it has been a while. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, nonetheless.